In Wednesday’s post I talked about how to write a good title and why it’s important that the title not be catchy or clever, but it should communicate the essence of what you have to offer. Case in point: “Making Marriage Fun Again.”
As I said Wednesday, life is about making something of yourself; of your resources, talents, gifts, opportunities. Marriage is the same way. Marriage is something that you make over a lifetime. Making marriage is about relationships; relationships that grow deeper, richer, more intimate and profound over time, not overnight.
In the past I’ve made the mistake of talking about building relationships. As a matter of fact several years ago I did a whole series on “building relationships that last.” Here is the problem with that paradigm: relationships aren’t built; relationships grow. Unhealthy relationships are diseased and die. Healthy relationships grow and multiply.
Here’s the problem with thinking about your marriage as a building. Buildings are linear; they have a process. If you do certain things in a certain way you get a certain result. For example, there are only so many ways to lay a foundation. Walls have to be straight and they have to support the next floor above them. The idea is that buildings are mechanical. No matter what the facades may look like, on the inside all good strong buildings are the same. And that may be true of marriages as well, but that’s where the analogy falls down. Marriages are grown. Relationships grow. The dating period is the time when we get together to figure out whether or not we have enough compatibility and connection to enter into a covenant as lovers who learn how to love each other well over a lifetime.
One of the problems we see married people getting into constantly is they try to treat the marriage like a contract: two partners coming together doing certain things and drawing out of the relationship certain benefits. The problem is, marriage is not a contract between two partners. It’s a covenant between two lovers. When I say lovers, I am not talking primarily about sexual contact, though that’s included.
My job as a man-up man is to love my wife well. That doesn’t just include the bedroom. It includes the kitchen, the living room, the garage, and every other part of our home. To love her well is that I have to know her, be a student and understand her.
As her husband I help her grow. As a matter of fact, that’s what the word “husband” means in its root. Husbandry is the art of growing things and knowing how to make them healthy.
Back again to “making marriage.” Marriage is something that is created, fashioned, and made between two people. So when we chose the title, “Making Marriage,” we were pointing exactly toward the nature of what two people do over a lifetime.
If you think when you said, “I do,” you’re done, you are in deep trouble. “I do” just starts the growing process that lasts a lifetime.
What are you making of your marriage? As a matter of fact, what you have in your marriage today is what you have been making of it in the past. Now if your marriage is miserable, you can change it today by beginning to make of it something very different. That’s what we’re going to be doing at the “Making Marriage Fun Again” Live Event on April 30th. We’ll be giving people seven super keys toward growing an amazing marriage over time.