If you listen to people when they explain high-performance, super-success, or good luck, you’ll invariably hear the word “fun.” It felt like fun. I was having fun out there. They’re having fun. We’re having fun. I wonder sometimes if we don’t underestimate how important having fun is. As a matter of fact, if you’re not having fun at work, at home, and in your own life, something’s terribly wrong.
Here are five signs you’re not having any fun at all. And something desperately needs to change before you break.
- You’re not having fun when you’re feeding off your regrets. You know what I am talking about. Those feelings about the things that didn’t happen or the things that someone did to you, or didn’t do for you that you spend most of your head-space thinking about or regretting from the past. Regrets will kill you, separate you, destroy your marriage and your future. You need to find a way to find forgiveness and extend it to those who’ve wounded you.
- You’re not having fun when you wake up and dread the day ahead. This usually happens when we get stuck in a rut of the same behaviors. It’s easy to blame the government, blame the economy, parents, our wife, our husband, or other people. But the truth of the matter is, if you dread the day ahead, it’s a dread you’ve created and the minute you get sick and tired of being sick and tired and make different choices, you can change the dread to something you look forward to.
- You’re not having fun when you’re not coming clean with your friends and your trusted advisers. Way too many of us carry the burdens of our inner life – failures, unmet expectations, wounds – because we simply don’t have anyone to offload them to. Often times talking about a thing is the very thing that can cleanse it. It’s like opening a wound and letting all the infection out. The problem is, most of us don’t have close, intimate friends we would trust with our deepest, darkest secrets. I was interviewing a couple I am going to marry in the future and the girl said that her maid of honor was going to be a guy. I thought that was strange. But when she said, “He’s my best friend,” I thought, “This is bad.” You need to be marrying your best friend, someone who can hear your heart. You need to have relationships. That’s why you need a church where you serve and get connected, because you have trusted friends in your life. You’ll never have any fun carrying around all the dirt and garbage that you’ve collected over a lifetime.
- You’re not having any fun when you’re overeating as a socially acceptable way to medicate your pain. Enough said.
- You’re not having any fun if you’re not having any sex.
I thought that would get your attention. Let me say this. If you’re not married, you shouldn’t be having any sex anyway. If you’re not married and having sex, that’s a part of your problem. You’re carrying around dread and guilt; that dirty feeling that you’ve violated yourself, and you have.
But if you’re married and your not having any sex, you’re definitely not having any fun. What I’ve found is this: a good marriage is populated by two people who know how to love each other well. To be good lovers to each other is important. And that just doesn’t begin in the bedroom. Actually, it begins in the kitchen. It begins with building a loving relationship and it ends with an intimacy; beautiful, sexual intimacy that’s fulfilling to both partners, not just one. I’m not talking about the porn star hanging from the chandelier, doing the dirty deed. I’m talking about the expression of emotional, intellectual, and spiritual love in a physical act that God thought up, created, ordains, and blesses.
Can you tell I’m passionate about this whole sex thing? The point is, if you’re married and not having any sex, you’ve got serious, serious problems and you need help before you wake up one day and either one of your “give a damns” is busted.
If you’re not having any fun, simply say today, “I won’t tolerate this anymore in my life and get it fixed. And you know where you get it fixed? On the inside. You’re the key. Make different choices, and you can have fun again.